Being there matters

The most important thing you can offer is simply being there. You don’t have to fill the silence or find the perfect words. Just sitting nearby, holding their hand, or quietly being in the room can be deeply reassuring to the person who’s dying.

• Sit where they can see you. When someone is dying, vision can narrow. Sitting at the foot or in front of the bed can help them focus on you.

• Let them know when you come in or leave the room. This helps them feel more secure and less startled.

• If others are visiting, gently say who is there. Familiar names and voices can bring comfort.

Even if they don’t seem to respond, many people believe hearing is the last sense to fade. Talk to them as if they can hear you. Tell them you’re there, you could share your favourite memories or read to them.

Create a calm environment

Small details in the room can make a difference.

• Keep the lighting soft. Harsh light can be uncomfortable for tired eyes.

• Play gentle sounds. Their favourite music, birdsong, or something peaceful.

• If possible, position the bed so they can see out of a window or towards the door. Familiar sights can bring reassurance.

Offer physical comfort

There are simple, practical ways to ease discomfort:

• If their mouth is dry, you could gently moisten their lips with a damp sponge or apply lip balm.

• Adjust their pillows or blankets to help them feel more comfortable.

• Avoid strong perfumes or chemical scents. If you add fragrance, keep it familiar and gentle, like a favourite perfume or a light natural smell.

• If they want a taste of food or drink, offer tiny sips or touches to the lips, but don’t force it. It’s natural for appetite and thirst to fade.

It can be worrying to see someone stop eating or drinking, but it’s a natural part of dying. You can learn more about why this happens here.

Offer emotional comfort

Sometimes words are hard to find. What matters most is your presence.

• Tell them who you are when you approach, especially before touching them: “Hi Mum, it’s Sarah, I’m just sitting with you now.”

• Share love, gratitude, or reassurance. A simple “You’re not alone” can mean so much.

• If they speak of seeing people who have already died, go along with it if it brings them peace.

This can be surprising to witness, but it’s actually quite common and often comforting for the person dying. We explain why this can happen and what it means in our commonly asked questions as someone is dying guide here. 

Silence can be powerful too. Just sitting quietly, holding their hand, or placing your hand gently on their arm can bring calm and connection.

Look after yourself as well

Watching someone die is exhausting, emotionally and physically. It’s natural to feel helpless, guilty, or anxious. Remember:

• Take short breaks, eat, and rest where you can. You will cope better if you look after yourself too.

• Accept help from friends or family if they offer. Even small things like meals or errands can make a difference.

There is no right way

You might worry you’re not doing enough, or not doing it “properly.” But what matters most is that you are there. Your presence, your love, and your willingness to simply be there are what truly support someone who is dying.