It’s natural to feel worried or upset, and to wonder if they’re hungry, thirsty, or suffering. You might even feel guilty if you can’t persuade them to eat or have a drink.

It may help to know that this is a natural and expected part of the dying process. It isn’t your fault, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, or that you’re neglecting them. It’s simply the body’s way of preparing for what’s ahead.

Why it happens

The body slows down when someone is dying and it simply doesn’t need food and drink in the same way anymore:

• The body’s systems are gradually shutting down, and the need for energy becomes very low

• Digestion slows, so eating can sometimes make them uncomfortable

• Swallowing can become harder, and the natural desire for food and drink fades

For many people, food and drink just stop feeling important. Their body is focusing all its energy on the process of dying.

What this means for you

It can feel instinctive to want to offer food and drink as a way of caring. But forcing someone to eat or drink at this stage can cause distress, and sometimes even physical discomfort.

Not eating or drinking at the end of life is not painful for the dying person. The discomfort is usually ours, because it feels so different to how we usually show love and care.

What you can do

Even if they no longer want food or drink, there are gentle ways to bring comfort:

• Mouth care: keep their mouth and lips moist with a damp sponge, soft brush, or lip balm.

• Tiny tastes: if they want to, they may enjoy a small sip or just the taste of something familiar on their lips, a favourite drink, some ice, or a dab of juice.

• Focus on comfort: think less about nourishment, and more about keeping them comfortable and cared for.

Be gentle with yourself

It’s natural to feel helpless or guilty when you see someone stop eating and drinking. Try to remind yourself: this is part of the natural process of dying. Your love, your presence, and the comfort you bring mean far more than food or drink at this stage.

You might have a few other questions about the dying process. Hopefully, we can help you understand what is happening as they are dying here - commonly asked questions as someone is dying.