They don’t seem to respond to me anymore. Can they still hear me?

Many believe that hearing is often the last sense to fade. Even if the person who is dying seems unconscious, speak gently as if they can hear you. Tell them who you are, let them know when you arrive or leave, and offer words of comfort.

Why has their breathing changed?

Breathing often becomes irregular towards the end of life. It might be faster, slower, shallow, or sometimes there may be pauses. This is part of the body’s natural process. It doesn’t always mean they are distressed.

This is typically known as Cheyne-Stokes breathing. We break down some other commonly used terms when someone is dying here.

Their hands and feet are cold and changing colour. Is this normal?

As the body slows down, blood flows less to the hands and feet. They may feel cold or look bluish. This is completely normal. People find keeping them covered with a light blanket comforting.

Why have they stopped eating or drinking? Should I try to feed them?

It’s natural for appetite and thirst to fade in the final days of life. As the body slows down, it no longer needs food or drink in the same way. This can be hard to see, but it doesn’t mean they’re being starved. Forcing food or drink can make them uncomfortable.

What you can do is keep their mouth and lips comfortable with gentle mouth care, like moistening their lips with water or applying lip balm.

If you’d like to understand more about why the body doesn’t rely on food and drink when someone is dying, see our guide here.

What is mouth care for someone who is dying?

Mouth care helps to keep someone’s mouth clean, moist and comfortable when they’re no longer able to do it themselves. As the body slows down at the end of life, the mouth can become dry and sore, which can feel uncomfortable. 

You can help by gently moistening their lips with water or applying lip balm, and offering tiny sips or tastes of water or other liquids if they’re able to swallow. 

It’s important to seek advice or guidance from a medical professional before offering mouth care to someone who is dying. 

They seem restless or agitated. What can I do?

Restlessness can sometimes happen when someone is dying. This is normally referred to as terminal agitation. Speak gently, reassure them, and hold their hand if they like touch. If they seem very distressed, speak to a nurse or doctor who may be able to adjust their care.

See our guide for other commonly used terms, as someone is dying here.

They said they can see people who have already died. What should I say?

It can be surprising, even unsettling, if your loved one talks about seeing people or pets who have already died. This is actually quite common as someone is dying.

You don’t need to explain or question what they’re experiencing. Instead, focus on how it makes them feel. If it seems to bring peace, simply listening, nodding, or gently acknowledging what they say can be reassuring for the person who is dying.

They’re calling out to people who aren’t there. What does this mean?

It can feel unsettling to hear this, but it’s actually quite common. Sometimes people who are dying call out to loved ones who have already died, or simply reach out for comfort and connection.

It can also happen because of changes in the body or as a side effect of medication, which can cause confusion or even mild hallucinations. While it may sound strange or worrying, it’s a normal part of the process for many people.

The kindest response is to reassure them. You might say gently, “It’s okay, I’m here with you,” or hold their hand so they feel safe. Your calm presence can bring comfort, whatever the reason behind their words.

I’m worried about getting it wrong. What if I’m not doing enough?

There is no perfect way to do this. You being there means more than you may realise.