Helping Children Cope with the Impending Loss of a Loved One

Helping children cope with anticipating loss

When a child is faced with the impending loss of someone they love, it can be an incredibly difficult and emotional time for both the child and the adults around them. Children may struggle to understand what is happening, and they may experience a wide range of emotions. As a caring adult, you can play an important role in guiding them through this process with sensitivity and support.

Below we offer some practical suggestions for helping children cope with the emotional challenges of anticipating the loss of a loved one.

Helping children cope with anticipating loss

Below we offer some practical suggestions for helping children cope with the emotional challenges of anticipating the loss of a loved one.

Caring for yourself

One of the most important things you can do is provide honest, age-appropriate information about the situation. Children often sense when something is wrong, and they may be confused or anxious if they aren’t told what’s going on. How much information you share should depend on the child’s age and level of understanding.

For younger children (under 6): Use simple, concrete language. Explain that the person is very sick, and it’s likely that they may not get better. You can say something like, “Grandma is very sick, and the doctors are doing their best, but her body is too tired to get better.”

For older children (6-12): Be a bit more detailed, but still keep things clear. You might explain that people can sometimes die when they are very sick, and that it’s a part of life, though it’s hard to understand or accept.

For teens: At this age, teens are likely to understand more about death and dying and may have a lot of questions. You can have more open conversations, acknowledging the reality of the situation while allowing space for their feelings and concerns.

Children may feel a wide variety of emotions—sadness, fear, anger, confusion, or even guilt—and they may not always know how to express what they’re feeling. It’s important to acknowledge and validate whatever emotions arise, letting the child know that all of their feelings are okay.

Listen actively: Give them space to ask questions and express what’s on their mind, without rushing to “fix” their feelings. Sometimes just listening can be incredibly comforting.

Reassure them: Remind them that it’s okay to feel upset or scared. You might say, “I know this is really hard, and it’s okay to feel sad or confused. I’m here for you, and we’ll get through this together.”

Encourage the child to talk about the loved one they’re about to lose, whether that means sharing happy memories, expressing concerns, or asking questions. Some children may find it easier to talk about their feelings in creative ways—through drawing, writing, or playing.

Offer creative outlets: Let them know it’s okay to express themselves through art, journaling, or even playtime with dolls or toys that help them work through their emotions.

Create rituals: Sometimes, creating small rituals or traditions can help. For example, a child might write a letter or draw a picture for the loved one to say goodbye.

During a time of uncertainty and sadness, children often find comfort in familiar every day things. Try to keep their routine as normal as possible. Regular meals, bedtime and school routines can provide a sense of security amidst the emotional turbulence.

Maintain stability: Try not to disrupt their daily life too much. Having consistency in their environment can help them feel more grounded and supported.

Let them know what’s next: If there will be significant changes, like a funeral or other events, prepare them ahead of time. You can say, “After Grandma dies, we may need to go to a ceremony to say goodbye, and I will be with you every step of the way.”

You may find that children and young people are worried about what will happen after the person has died, and they may feel strongly about going to the funeral. If you are concerned about this, you can contact the Cemetery or Crematoria Manager and ask for a visit prior to the day of the funeral – so the children know what to expect.

Children often have misconceptions or fears about death, especially if they haven’t had much experience with it. Answer their questions simply and honestly, while also acknowledging that it’s okay not to have all the answers.

Reassure them about their own safety: Children may worry about their own safety or the safety of other loved ones. Reassure them that while people do die, it’s a natural part of life, and most people live long, healthy lives.

Explain death in simple terms: For example, you might say, “When people die, their bodies stop working. It’s a part of the circle of life. It’s okay to be sad, but remember, love doesn’t end when someone dies.”

Some children may find it difficult to express their feelings of worry and grief, or to ask questions about their worries. You could encourage them to write down how they’re feeling or what questions they’d like to ask.

One of the most useful things you can do is help the child understand that the person who is dying will always have a special place in their heart. Encouraging them to reflect on happy memories or create something in memory of their loved one can help the child feel connected to the person even after they are gone.

Create a memory box: The child can collect photos, letters, or small mementos that remind them of the loved one.

Help them say goodbye: If appropriate, give the child a chance to say goodbye. They might want to visit the loved one in the hospital or say something meaningful to them before they die. It’s okay if they don’t want to do this—it’s important to respect their feelings.

You could help the children plant a tree or shrub in the garden in memory of the person who has died. This can be a powerful way of remembering them, whilst you watch the plants grow in the coming months and years.

When the loved one has died, children will need time and space to grieve. They may not always show their emotions right away, but grief can appear in different ways—through changes in behaviour, mood swings, or even physical symptoms like stomach or head aches.

Allow for grieving in their own way: Children may not grieve the way adults do. They might bounce back quickly, or they might express their grief through play. Be patient and understanding.

Check in regularly: Let the child know it’s okay to talk about their feelings, even weeks or months after the death. Grief can be a long process, and children may need ongoing support as they come to terms with their loss.

For younger children (under 6): Use simple, concrete language. Explain that the person is very sick, and it’s likely that they may not get better. You can say something like, “Grandma is very sick, and the doctors are doing their best, but her body is too tired to get better.”

For older children (6-12): Be a bit more detailed, but still keep things clear. You might explain that people can sometimes die when they are very sick, and that it’s a part of life, though it’s hard to understand or accept.

For teens: At this age, teens are likely to understand more about death and dying and may have a lot of questions. You can have more open conversations, acknowledging the reality of the situation while allowing space for their feelings and concerns.

Listen actively: Give them space to ask questions and express what’s on their mind, without rushing to “fix” their feelings. Sometimes just listening can be incredibly comforting.

Reassure them: Remind them that it’s okay to feel upset or scared. You might say, “I know this is really hard, and it’s okay to feel sad or confused. I’m here for you, and we’ll get through this together.”

Offer creative outlets: Let them know it’s okay to express themselves through art, journaling, or even playtime with dolls or toys that help them work through their emotions.

Create rituals: Sometimes, creating small rituals or traditions can help. For example, a child might write a letter or draw a picture for the loved one to say goodbye.

Maintain stability: Try not to disrupt their daily life too much. Having consistency in their environment can help them feel more grounded and supported.

Let them know what’s next: If there will be significant changes, like a funeral or other events, prepare them ahead of time. You can say, “After Grandma dies, we may need to go to a ceremony to say goodbye, and I will be with you every step of the way.”

You may find that children and young people are worried about what will happen after the person has died, and they may feel strongly about going to the funeral. If you are concerned about this, you can contact the Cemetery or Crematoria Manager and ask for a visit prior to the day of the funeral – so the children know what to expect.

Reassure them about their own safety: Children may worry about their own safety or the safety of other loved ones. Reassure them that while people do die, it’s a natural part of life, and most people live long, healthy lives.

Explain death in simple terms: For example, you might say, “When people die, their bodies stop working. It’s a part of the circle of life. It’s okay to be sad, but remember, love doesn’t end when someone dies.”

Some children may find it difficult to express their feelings of worry and grief, or to ask questions about their worries. You could encourage them to write down how they’re feeling or what questions they’d like to ask.

Create a memory box: The child can collect photos, letters, or small mementos that remind them of the loved one.

Help them say goodbye: If appropriate, give the child a chance to say goodbye. They might want to visit the loved one in the hospital or say something meaningful to them before they die. It’s okay if they don’t want to do this—it’s important to respect their feelings.

You could help the children plant a tree or shrub in the garden in memory of the person who has died. This can be a powerful way of remembering them, whilst you watch the plants grow in the coming months and years.

Allow for grieving in their own way: Children may not grieve the way adults do. They might bounce back quickly, or they might express their grief through play. Be patient and understanding.

Check in regularly: Let the child know it’s okay to talk about their feelings, even weeks or months after the death. Grief can be a long process, and children may need ongoing support as they come to terms with their loss.

More useful resources

Provide extra support when needed

Some children may struggle more with the loss of a loved one than others. If you notice signs of prolonged sadness, anxiety, or withdrawal, it may be helpful to seek professional support. A counsellor or therapist specializing in grief can help children process their emotions and develop healthy coping strategies.

Cruse Bereavement Support provide grief support to children and young people across England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

Child Bereavement UK – Supporting bereaved children and young people

Barnardo’s – 7 tips for helping children with grief

Useful books and resources

Badger is so old that he knows he must soon die, so he does his best to prepare his friends. When he finally passes away, they are grief-stricken, but one by one they remember the special things he taught them during his life. By sharing their memories, they realise that although Badger is no longer with them physically, he lives on through his friends.

The mouse family has lost someone dear. Wise Old Bear helps them understand what they are feeling, as each expresses it in their own unique way. When Tiny Mouse is so quiet, will Bear be able to help him too?

Final Thoughts

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things anyone can go through, especially for a child. While it’s impossible to shield them from the pain, by offering honest communication, emotional validation, and a sense of stability, you can help them navigate this challenging time.

The most important thing you can do is be present—be there to listen, to reassure, and to support them through their grief. Remember that healing takes time, and with your care, children can learn to carry the love and memories of their lost loved one in a healthy and meaningful way.

Helping Children Cope with the Impending Loss of a Loved One

Helping children cope with anticipating loss

Helping children cope with anticipating loss

Caring for yourself

More useful resources

Final Thoughts

Final Thoughts

Bereavement support services